Wanted: No Master is a 1939 Count Screwloose and J.R. cartoon directed by Milt Gross.


A stereotypical African-American chef is cooking pancakes. The aroma seeps out of the vent and wakes up the clock, which rings to wake Count Screwloose and J.R. up. The two run to the bathroom, but Screwloose closes the door on J.R., slams the door on him again as he runs out, then closes the door, causing the dog's tail to get stuck in the door. The chef calls for breakfast. J.R. gleefully trots down, but Screwloose runs down the stairs really fast. Screwloose goes to the table and eats his pancakes, then J.R.'s. The dog impatiently taps his knife, which Screwloose uses to cut his cigar. He then strikes a match on the dog's rear end to light his cigar. As Screwloose reads his newspaper, J.R. notices that he left his donut unattended. Just as he is about to take it, Screwloose snatches it right through the newspaper. J.R. decides to drink his coffee instead, but Screwloose dunks his donut in it. J.R. notices that there is one drop of coffee left and is about to drink it when Screwloose pokes his head through the paper and consumes the drop. Frustrated, J.R. throws away his coffee cup. He looks at the front page of the newspaper Screwloose is reading and notices that a wealthy widow is offering her hand in marriage. He notices the back of the newspaper has a picture of a woman named "Gloria Gush." He cuts the picture of Gloria Gush out of the paper and pastes it over the picture of the wealthy widow. Screwloose turns to the front page of the paper and decides to go over to her house.

Screwloose arrives at the house and rings the doorbell. J.R. snickers as the door twirls, pushing Screwloose inside. He closes the door and finds that the house has two hope chests and one "I hope, I hope, I hope" chest. He observes a wall of photos with a woman posing with many short man in tuxedos. He is startled to find that the woman in the pictures looks nothing like Gloria Gush. A portrait of the widow tears the picture of Gush off the paper. When Screwloose notices, he becomes startled and runs away. The widow does not want her to go, so she runs after him. He hides in an open room. When he peeks his head out, the widow closes the door on him, making him appear to be in a top hat and tuxedo. She stands next to him and snaps the picture. She then goes to the camera and pulls out a fully formed picture frame.

In the next scene, the widow plays on the piano "Drink To Me Only With Thine Eyes" while Screwloose sits in a chair, tellingly against his will. The justice of the peace, right next door, notices and enters the room. He asks if the two are ready to be married, but the widow says that they are not and resumes playing the piano. Screwloose tries to sneak away, but the widow pushes her chair towards him, kicks him inside it, and drags it back. Screwloose makes a run for it, and the widow runs after him, but not before quickly finishing up her song.

Screwloose runs up a spiral staircase, through the roof of the house, and into the sky before realizing what is happening and falls to the ground. The widow opens a window, so Screwloose jumps down to the floor below, where he falls on the justice of the peace and the widow. He escapes through the window, but J.R. grabs him and puts him back in the house. The widow catches Screwloose in a net, but he tries to run anyway, dragging her into the kitchen and opening the door where an ironing board (and the justice of the peace) is contained. He asks if they would like to be married, but she says no. Screwloose opens another door, where he finds the widow's many young children. He runs away and the widow tells them to keep out of it. Screwloose runs back up the staircase and off the roof, where he falls into the tray of a coal truck and back into the house. The widow finds him in blackface, but Screwloose walks away doing a Stepin Fetchit impression. The justice of the peace opens up the door on Screwloose and asks the widow if they would like to be wed, but she says no. He closes the door. The coal dust has come off of Screwloose, and the excited widow runs over. Screwloose falls over, and she tells the justice of the peace that they are ready to be wed. The justice of the peace produces a certificate of marriage.

Outside the house, J.R. is laughing over the outcome. He returns home and continues laughing. The African-American chef returns and says that dinner is served. J.R. admires himself in the mirror until the door knocks. He answers it and is immediately run over by Screwloose, the newly wedded widow, and their children, who all have dinner together. Disgusted with himself, J.R. beats himself up (and even gets his own reflection in the mirror to kick him in the rear).


  • This is the final Count Screwloose and J.R. cartoon.
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