STRANGEST EVENT IN SMALLVILLE HISTORY, is an article published in the Smallville Torch during the week of October 8-15, 2002, it was written by Chloe Sullivan.
Not-so-spontaneous human combustion. Deer jerky. Heat-sucking jockos. Not mere paranormal catchphrases for us. All of these happened here--phenomenal events that made their way into our mythos and up onto my Wall of Weird.
But one recent incident might just take the top spot.
Sure, the tornado was pretty newsworthy, but my faithful readers have come to expect something deeper than just reporting from this column. When I sniffed out the "story behind the story" this time, I knew it was my journalistic responsibility to blow the lid off it, so here goes.
After a tornado hits, where's the first place the local talkingheads flock for their "team coverage?" Now ask yourself, did you see any special reports from there this time? Stick with me--I'm going somewhere with this.
I thought I had hit a dead end in my theorizing when I found a rather large, pink object out by Hobson's Pond that seemed to refute my carefully wrought hypothesis. But that specimen proved to have been only lifted by the storm from our neighbor, Grandville, and deposited here.
"It's a miracle, pure and simple! That's the only way I can describe it," Smallville resident Andy Lowry told me. "I had just finished sinking a new waste line. Me and Daisy was runnin' for cover, and all I kept thinkin' was 'Oh God, please, it took me all damn day to get that thing right, please spare it your fury!' When we emerged, everything was just the way I had left it. I'm not gonna lie--I began to cry. It's a miracle, I tell ya."
A miracle, indeed. More so than Andy realizes.
You'd have to dig pretty deep into the Smallville history books--deeper than I could, apparently--to find another such occurrence.
Thus, I bring you this newsflash:
Smallville experiences devastating tornado . . . worst damage the town has seen since October 1989, D.O.S (date of shower) . . . but . . .
NO MOBILE HOME PARKS WERE DAMAGED.
Only in Smallville, dear friends, only in Smallville.